How to handle office romances

Is love in the air at your workplace? How should HR manage a romantic relationship between two employees?

Many relationships result from partners meeting each other at the workplace. But even when things go smoothly with an office romance, there is likely to be office gossip, rumours and the occasional potential conflict of interest. When things go wrong, there can be major problems that can result in claims of discrimination, harassment or unfair dismissal.

So is it worthwhile having any “guidelines” at work on this topic, and if so what should their scope be?

Is banning workplace relationships feasible?

Usually not. In most cases it will be impossible to control, even if desirable to do so, therefore it's better to try and regulate it than attempt to stamp it out – and probably merely send the relationship “underground”. However, there are exceptions where a ban is appropriate. Examples include a teacher having a relationship with a student, a doctor with a patient, etc. The employer will need to have very strict guidelines in cases such as those.

Are “relationship contracts” a good idea?

Usually not. They aim to avoid blurring the boundaries at work, a common problem when office relationships exist. A contract could impose an obligation on an employee to inform the employer if they form an intimate relationship with a co-worker. Both employees are then required to sign a contract confirming that the relationship is consensual and that neither will bring a claim for sexual harassment against the other if the relationship ends.

However, it is unlikely that such a contract will have much practical value. Equal opportunity and dismissal legislation will override it. If, for example, one employee sexually harasses another as defined by the legislation, the employee will still be liable and the employer will probably be vicariously liable. However, a contract may assist the employer’s defence of a claim, by providing some evidence the employer took at least some reasonable steps to reduce the chances of harassment occurring.

If a dispute over privacy arose, for example when disciplinary action was being contemplated, the employer would need to demonstrate that its intrusion into the employees’ private lives was reasonable given the extent of the workplace risk it was trying to minimise. In other words, the employer would need to have a valid reason for requiring the information about a relationship and trying to regulate the situation, not just a generalised fear that awkward moments could arise.

Look at the overall context

A better policy approach may be to evaluate the risk of conflicts of interest in the business as a whole and address each one in that context. For example, there could be a requirement to disclose an office relationship where a particularly high risk was identified, perhaps combined with general advice to managers to avoid affairs with their subordinates.

Any such policy needs to be free of potential indirect discrimination. For example, requiring the more junior employee to resign or transfer if a relationship develops, or ends badly, has the potential to be indirect discrimination on the grounds of sex or age.

Disclosure requirements are another tricky area. Generally, no matter how discreet the two employees think they are being, someone is likely to notice something and rumours will soon circulate. A policy that is too stringent may encourage employees not to be up-front, that is the relationship will continue anyway, but it will be “unofficial”, occasional awkward situations will occur, and the repercussions may be more serious later on when everyone finds out.

When the relationship ends, it is often very hard for the two employees to continue to have a professional working relationship if they work closely together. Recriminations and allegations (eg harassment or victimisation) frequently arise, and co-workers are sometimes put in the embarrassing position of having to take sides. Unfortunately, it appears that the stereotypical situation of a senior male employee having a relationship with a less senior female employee (eg his personal assistant) and abusing his seniority when the relationship ends is still quite common. 

Review other policies

Two other policies that require close attention are the harassment policy and internal communications policy (especially email and mobile device use).

If claims resulting from failed office relationships are considered a risk, the harassment policy can address this topic and provide some general guidelines on it. Training of employees in harassment awareness and prevention should also cover it.

The electronic communications policy should cover excessive use of emails, the internet and social networking sites at work. Contents of electronic communications should not be capable of offending. Check the policy to ensure its scope includes the types and contents of communications that two employees in a relationship might be likely to use.

Guidelines for individuals

The following tips can assist employees who become involved in office relationships:

• Keep your behaviour and communications professional at work. Don’t bring your home life to the office.
• If there may be a potential conflict of interest at work, consider making the relationship “official”.
• In general, the more you try to disguise an office relationship, the more repercussions there are likely to be if something goes wrong later.
• Comply with policies on the use of electronic communications and harassment. Remember that the employer is legally entitled to monitor office communications with your partner.
• Comply with confidentiality requirements. There may be some work-related things you simply do not disclose to your partner.
• Have a “contingency plan” if the relationship ends. For example, what will you do if one partner has to resign or seek a transfer?
• Be aware of how other employees may perceive your workplace interactions with your partner.
• Avoid public displays of affection at the workplace. For example, a Valentine’s Day gift should be presented at home or lunchtime, not in front of work colleagues at the office.

Note that the above tips can be included in a general policy statement covering the issue.